Wisdom hit me like the sharp smart of a stubbed toe at 2 a.m. It didn’t feel like I would imagine wisdom to feel—all enlightened and luminous and grateful. Instead it felt a little more like a punch in the gut, and it took me awhile to get back to sleep. So I’m mulling over wisdom today in light of some possible big changes. Click through for an update on my One Prayer 2014.
Remember how I told you my New Years Resolution, or One Prayer, this year was “Give me wisdom”? I had a sneaky feeling we’d need it. I was right.
Folks. (Deep breath.) We. Are. House. Hunting.
Yup. I know. That’s huge. Caveman was blessed recently with a new job, and with our almost-redhead addition we have officially outgrown the Shoebox. It’s hard to admit because most days we make life here work well, but I’d be lying if I told you we didn’t feel the space crunch.
I kind of feel like a gardener who has worked hard to coax a plant to sprout and grow in one pot, only to discover one day that she must dig up the roots and carefully transplant the green to a larger container in order to allow for more maturity and bigger blossoms.
What can follow a season as dynamic and stretching and sweet as our time here? I can’t even picture what comes next. We have vague ideas of what we need and what we would like, but no solid conclusions because now we know we don’t need much space to thrive. There seem to be so many options, and other days not many options at all.
Hence the request for wisdom.
At this point our picture of a future home is very clouded, murky. But God has granted clear hindsight that offers me spadefuls of wisdom from previous house searches.
One night I woke up to nurse Little Lady and suddenly I saw past decisions in a very different light. It was as if God turned a magnifying glass on the small print of those choices and I saw my own motivations in prism-like color. I saw pride. I saw materialism. I saw selfishness. I saw myself not listening to my husband’s wishes. I saw entitlement.
Wisdom had struck, and it actually felt like humility. It felt a lot like the painful humbling of seeing some current situations as a direct result of past expectations and demands.
God has begun to answer my prayer for wisdom with humbling realization. That shouldn’t surprise me; wisdom and humility are eternally linked.
“When pride comes, then comes dishonor,
But with the humble is wisdom.”
Does this new clarity provide a well-lit and paved path for the future? No. Not at all. However I am now aware of how my attitudes and decisions back then affect life now, and I don’t want to make the same missteps. I am humbly equipped with a list of what not to do, which I guess is almost as good as the opposite.
As we house hunt and pray though where to “replant” our growing family, we may make mistakes but by God’s grace they won’t be the same ones I forced last time.
I am so grateful to God for unexpected blessings, answered prayers and gentle leading even though we feel so uncertain right now.
I am also confident that He has led us this far, and He will continue to direct our paths to the next place where we can sink roots and spread out just a little bit more. 🙂
What about you? Have you ever been surprised by the arrival of wisdom in a package of humility? Comment and share with us!